I am still not achieving my goals. How many holons do I have to go thru? I wanted to move to California. I did the spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical work and I still don't live there. And I don't live there yet. Why?
There is the holon of myself. Conciously I can affirm something and my deep mind can sabotage it. There are parts of me that want to move to California, parts of me are upset because I failed in Texas. Texas beat me and I am a horrible loser. So I need to align all the parts, all the selves.
There is the holon of my family. What are our obliagations to each other? There is alot of tangled energy there that we need to sort out. The success there has been marginal at best. Again, I have more work to do.
There is the holon of Texas. I was not welcomed here. Not by employers and not by churches. Not by the economy. Not by the weather and climate. And yet I was told it was my fault. Either by sin or by negative thinking. So when I agreed that Texas was my fault, no one wanted to help me move back to Georgia. It was as if Texas needed me to repair the damage I had so called created. I don't understand why the holon of Texas needs people here against their will. Again more work for me.
The holon of Georgia. The place I never wanted to leave. Until the ministers started guilt tripping me. You know you can't be a decent minister if your family is divided. Make peace with your family and your ministry willl come together. I did and it didn't. Instead I have lost 2 family members and my ministry is no where to be found.
There is the holon of California. No place to stay there and no job. You need 15 grand to make that move. Puzzling.
There is the holon of religiion. I have been told so many contradictory things that I don't even know what to believe anymmore. Jesus told me to move to Texas, no he didn't. Then Jesus wants me to leave Texas, no he doesn't. So Jesus wants me to leave and stay. Maybe I should pitch a tent stratling the border. Religious Science told me I could have anything I wanted. I want to leave Texas, oh you can't have that. Do a science of mind treatment one time and it will come to pass. No it didn't. Very strange.
I don't understand the holon of Earth. How it all works. What to expect and what expectations are unrealistic. What my place is. What my role is. How much I should contribute and how much I should rely on the Universe.
All of this leads me back to the holon of psychology. The serenity prayer and a question from the Course in Miracles. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. From the Course in Miracles "What is my part in it?" Hopefully, I can figure it all out before the final buzzer sounds.
Enoch
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